As my freshman year here at Gardner-Webb University quickly draws to a close, I can’t help but reminiscence over ever memory, good and bad. I’m sure within a few weeks you’ll receive the full scope of nostalgia, introspective thoughts on my year, probably with a corny title and tagline. But today, in honor of the tears that are sure to come with finals week/move-out week, I share the much anticipated quote book from the past two semesters. Some of these quotes are from the friends from home, who kept my spirits high in the hard times this year. And many of these are from the wonderful (and often hilarious) people who I have met in freshman year. All in all, I have spent so much time this year laughing with wonderful people, and I think this list proves just that.

 ********************

Quotes 2014 – 2015

“I wanted to lie truthfully.” –  Bethany Alston

“I have this character flaw called if someone dislikes me I dislike them right back.” –  Bethany

Me: Have you ever seen The Breakfast Club?

Matthew Harris: Yeah… At Tiffany’s?

“I’m not judging… I’m just having some questions.” – Julianna Weiss

“If you can’t handle my awkwardness, you don’t deserve my awesomeness.” –  Morgan McDaniel

*about white males*

“Your chance of getting a scholarship is zero, but your chance of getting everything else is perfect.” –  Taylor Moore

“I think I broke like five girls hearts just by existing.” – David Cole

“Obesity is the most delicious disease.” – David Cole

Emma Shappley: But I’m afraid…

Me: Well I’m sure George Washington was afraid to cross the Delaware but we are the United States because he did. So I don’t know if you want freedom or love but I say go for it.

“Hannah, when you run you look like a newborn giraffe.” – Sarah Branch

Julianna: We’re all turning into mermaids!

Jesse Clark: FINALLY!

Morgan: I mean the ratio of guy’s is really off here. So I need to get on it.

Kyle Bradley: When Jesus said be fisher’s of men, he didn’t mean this.

Me: Being a boy is so much easier.

Jordan Grim: Being a boy isn’t always easier…

David: What are you talking about?? YES IT IS.

“If an animal gets hit by a car it will bring tears to my eyes. Unless I hit it then it’s the thing’s own dumb fault.” – Jordan

Morgan: What if I just stole your glasses?

David: I don’t think so… I don’t give these up without a fight.

“I know they’re making a joyful noise to The Lord but they cannot stay on key.” – Emma

Emma: These little hair pieces make me look Amish!

Me: I think you mean Orthodox Jew.

Emma: Oh right, I knew it started with an “o.”

Me: I get done at 11am tomorrow because my teacher has jury duty.

Landis: YES! The government finally came through!

Sarah: I’m a PK!

Me: Me too!

Cameran Kerley: My dad is a mortgage consultant! Go dad!

Taylor: We all have secrets.

David: I don’t have any more…

Abby: I’m pretty sure these moths are reproducing right before our eyes.

Dad: Then look away!

“I ran into that girl tonight. Inching my way closer to pushing her off a mountain and saving her at the same time!” – Jordan

“Cheerleading is like martial arts with spirit.” – David

Me: He only has five friends.

Emma: What am I, a green bean?

Kyle: My parents met at work.

Sharayah Westover: They met at war??

Kyle: Yeah they met in ‘Nam.

Cameran Kerley: I don’t know what to do about food and life in general.

Me: No sentence has ever encapsulated my life so well.

“I’m getting too fat to be with a skinny person.” – Morgan

“Life is just one big group project.” – Molly Weiss

Me: What did David’s armies do?

Aaron Hilton: They armied.

“Oh what a crime! You’re self conscious about your honesty.” – Holly Harris

“Every time you have a crush on someone doesn’t mean you’re giving your heart away that’s the most stupidest thing I ever heard.” –  Holly

Me: Stop yelling about rape!

Jordan: R-A-P!

Me: Yay, now that you’re here, I can leave my stuff and go to the bathroom.

David: Perfect, now I can just steal it for you!

Me: How do you begin a paper about…?

Sam Hermanns & Cameran: YOU DON’T.

Me: This is couple season. It must be something in the air.

Emma: We must not be smelling the right air… We’re smelling mold!

Me: Last week I was pushing through to fall break…What am I pushing through to now?

Sharayah: Death.

“Don’t think about it as an hour and fifteen minutes. Think of it as fifteen minutes with an hour tacked on.” – David

“Well life is just dishing us all a happy scoop of pudding.” – Morgan

“Sam, what’s your earliest memory? Moving into campus?” – Taylor

“I figured if I got you really close to death it would make you appreciate life.” – Morgan

Pietro: And my printer was jammed, and my car died. Then my dog was having explosive diarrhea.

Morgan: The printer was jammed but the dog wasn’t.

Me: What flavor are the muffins?

Sharayah: Um, muffin.

Sarah: I’m going to tag my black friends.

Cameran: All two of ’em!

Sarah: I tagged three… Well he’s half black.

“My favorite Christmas song is about Easter.” – Morgan

Sharayah: We are an open can of green beans.

Cameran: But we can’t help you.

Me: We aren’t a very nutritional can of green beans.

Sharayah: It’s just sodium, sodium, sodium.

Cameran: Have you ever lied about your age?

Me: No! Have you??

Cameran: Well yeah, I mean I wanted to get in the hot tub, and you had to be 14.

“Ooooh! MONEY! The rich keep getting richer.” – Jordan

“I love you regardless of if you are rich or poor. I don’t care if you’re a homeless person with toilet paper as clothes.” – Sharayah

“Nothing says Bahamas like socks and a polo.” – Jules

Matthew: Stop talking about my condition!

Jesse: Single?

Me: I need something salty.

Andrea VanDerwerker: Lick yourself.

“The caf is blissfully mediocre.” – Morgan

“Class of 2025. 2025 just screams apocalypse.” — Abby

“I need to fill out a work order form for my heart.” –  me

Me: My appearance is obviously not attracting anyone to me.

Emma: Yeah, that’s true.

“Some people sold a kidney to be there and I’m sitting here eating French fries.” – Emma

“With your fabulous personality and my wit we could take over the world!” – me

“Every time he sees me I’m sitting by myself reading my Bible. He’s probably like, ‘well, Jesus is the only friend she has.’” – Emma

“There’s some bacteria in the hot tub. It’s called sin.” – me

Pastor: We’re charismatic bapti-costal.

JJ Gibbs: UGH.

“I just can’t wait to see the look on his face when I tell him I am with child.” – Emma

“He asked if I was having a milk party. Yes, cuz THAT’S a thing.” – Trista Riddle

“Is curly fry one word or two?” – Emma

“My hair looks great after that nap! Praise The Lord! Sometimes you just have to praise Him for the little things.” – Emma

“The snow and the beach make people couple up like Noah’s arc.” – Me

Me: Our room looks weird…

Emma: Yeah, it’s clean.

Me: I’m just a piece of a Kleenex.

Emma: The little corner piece that people spit their gum in.

*talking about ordering a venti*

“I really shouldn’t have gotten this. It’s a tenth of my bank account.” – Bethany

Me: Everything is one big awkward hello.

Audrey Lakin: Welcome home.

Holly: A type of communication.

Me: Speaking, writing, yelling.

Matthew: Her favorite three.

“Wow she’s going to tear this dorm down with her bare hands.” – me

Me: I don’t want to write boring stuff.

Sam: You might have to. Like Edgar Allen Poe.

Me: He didn’t write boring stuff!

Sam: I know. He was poor.

Lauren Mahoney: So,  your stem cells could be growing teeth inside your uterus.

Jeremy Boudah: Congrats! You’re having twins!

Me: I don’t think he’s capable of having fireflies.

Cam: I think he has bees.

“Here I am a year later. A lot more insecure and a little more knowledgable-r.” – me

“We’re talking about our social security numbers like we’re 79 and preparing for the old folk’s home.” – Sharayah

Prof: So you get to spend hours in the library! Doesn’t that sound like fun??

Daniel Napier: Oodles and oodles of fun!

“Pillowed shingles! For children who like to climb on the roofs! Pingles! Shillows!” – Austin Miller

Me: Are you a stress eater?

Emma: No, I’m just an eater.

“Honestly, I’m probably closer to a funeral than a wedding.” – Emma

“I’ve got to take my pants off or something, because I’m not working well.” – Sarah

“I’m fine, I just punted that goose by its neck to relieve some tension.” – Chris Anderle

“I wonder if people in jail get new trendy music… Or if they’re still listening to Billy Joel.” – Sharayah

“I’m literally on 5mg! That’s not enough to tranquilize a horse’s hoof!” – Sharayah

“I don’t do that non-timed, non-competition stuff. That’s for the weak of heart who need self validation.” – Amanda Collins

Me: Let’s end this semester like we began it.

Sharayah: Alone and crying?

********************

To all of you, thanks for the memories, and as always, thanks for the laughs. Already looking forward to the next laughs and moments the future holds for us.

And maybe it’s then,

When your bones are breaking,

And your head is aching,

And your bags are packed,

You’re headed for the door.

When they call you again,

Saying one last time they need a friend.

And you’ve given it all before,

After,

Again.

They say they need a song,

But you never wanted to sing,

Yet something stops you,

He reminds you,

You might be their only symphony.

And He placed you in a choir,

Not to ring out your praise,

But to reach,

Grow,

Burst your lungs,

If only for something much higher.

And when she’s crying,

When he’s dying,

When they can do nothing for you.

Maybe it’s then,

That you sing for Him.

In the discord of life,

In the cacophony of despair,

When your heart isn’t in it,

When your mind begs to forget it.

When they ask you to sing,

And He calls you to love,

When it’s not your heart,

And yet despite that you choose,

Maybe it’s then that you sing for Him.

I’m deficit you see,

In need of a glass of milk,

I had one too many glasses of you.

You touched my skin,

And I thought I’d find a better way to race.

Like if I erased the past,

And rewrote the future,

I’d find a better way to love.

For you were of me,

And I of you,

Flesh and tendons and muscles and love.

But now we’re simply brittle bones.

We spent our time building strength,

False because our muscles couldn’t support,

The weight of our hearts.

Now like bone on bone,

We scrape.

Scrape the love,

Scrape the memories,

Everything scrapes me raw.

Less of who I was,

A skeleton of who we were.

And you’re in my bones,

I can’t escape.

Even if I drive for a thousand miles,

The memories of you haunt me like phantom pain.

I’d crush my bones to forget the sting,

Of you.

For you and I are just alike,

Ribs,

A skull,

And a breaking heart.

Crying alone in the hours of night.

Remembering the feeling of being held in the dark.

So I draw the drapes,

And turn off the lights,

They can’t see what goes on inside,

My head.

Spinning, screaming, softly crying,

To remember the brokenness we catered to over

And over

And over

Again.

For we were never meant to love,

We rubbed each other raw.

Cracking and fracturing,

Continually,

Never healing the wounds.

Over stretching,

Over exerting,

Over exhausting,

Wearying our bones.

And we ignored the doctor’s warnings,

We continued on,

Sucking the marrow out of life.

I can’t walk,

Can’t stand straight,

Crippled by everything I thought you were,

You aren’t.

And He let us break ourselves,

Learning lessons comes from being,

Suspended and stranded.

You look to the ceiling.

That’s what body casts and breakups do.

And you know your brittle bones lacked nutrients.

I sapped you,

You sapped me.

And now we’re just crushed bones.

But these crushed bones will rejoice,

In the pain,

In the loss,

In the ache of goodbye.

For He is restoring,

He is building back,

The strength I have lost,

To the mistakes I have gained.

Within the holes I chipped,

He filled with joy.

Within the crushing blow,

He saved us.

He saved us from ourselves.

************************************

Psalm 51:6-8

“Surely You desire integrity in the inner self,
and You teach me wisdom deep within. Purify me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones You have crushed rejoice.”

I want more than anything else,

To know this isn’t passing attraction.

To know this is more than I’ve ever experienced in my life.

To know that this is more than my life.

To know this is my life.

–

And I want more than anything else,

To have this forever.

Not feelings,

Not fallings,

Not temporary,

Not time-subjective.

To have this in my heart,

Like a piece of me,

All of me.

Stitched into me like so much thread,

Binding my soul up in grace.

–

And I want more than anything else,

To finally breathe this peace,

Sing this grace,

Bask in this contentment,

Cling to this hope.

–

I want to finally understand,

That His love is,

always has been,

and always will be,

Enough.

–

He is enough.

She’s just five foot something,
With hair that color,
Stuck to her forehead.
And eyes that color,
Stuck to her heart.
And she cried a little too long last night,
But concealer conceals dark circles and broken hearts.

You know her face ‘cause you’ve seen it before,
Each day in the mirror.
Ink pen on her wrist,
Scars on her paper.
Those shoes in the back of his closet,
Ended up on her feet.
And the scent of her left like the traces in the sheets.

High heels, ash trays, lipstick, lights.
Chasing after daydreams,
And faking for the fights.
And you’d like to hope, that she’d be alright.

He said he fixed her before,
And he swears he’ll fix her again.
But she needed stitches not first aid.
Shattered glass and paper cuts,
Shallow wounds hurt the deepest.
Broken mirrors bring seven years bad luck.
And he told her she was beautiful,
But she called him a liar.
Because he can’t tell her what she can’t believe is true.

Slamming her fist into his chest,
Trying to getaway.
You can’t love her,
Until you let her.
Go.

Slamming his fist into the wall.
Trying to find a way.
But you can’t fix her.
Until you let her.
Grow.

She’s just five foot something,
And looking for love.
Looking in all the wrong places.
Searching treasure maps for roads,
And highway signs for a pot of gold.
Because she’s broken,
Like a rear view mirror,
That she couldn’t bear to see her reflection in.
And she’s driving to fix her problems,
And she’s starving to find her way.

Headphones, sweatshirt, blurry eyes, lights.
Driving in the darkness,
Finding a place in the night.
And you’d like to hope, that she’d be alright.

And he swore that he loved her,
And he probably did.
But nothing says “I love you,”
About killing someone softly.
He kept her from the truth.
He kept her from the Savior,
And tried saving her himself.

She’s just five foot something,
And she broke down last night.
Flat tire and empty promises,
Just left her on the side of I-85.
Spare hearts aren’t found as easily as spare tires.
And she lost all trust in mechanics.

Crying,
Dying,
He didn’t come through.
He promised he’d fix her.
But she’s more broken than ever before.
Headlights out,
Windshield wipers on.
Looking for love in dotted white lines.

And she never saw it coming,
Being this girl,
She always swore she’d be just fine.
Now all that’s left, is a handful of change,
Receipts from the past,
And some blank checks that bounced.
And you’d like to hope, that she’d be alright.

Walked in the rain,
Felt like a hundred miles.
To dry off, you have to get wet,
To live, you have to die.
But the distance was too daring,
And hope had all but gone,
Until that light shone through a night made for sorrow.

Hope, brimming.
Love, skimming.
Along the surface of her skin like the rain on the highway.
A hand that went through nails,
A heart that went through Hell.
A voice says, “you’re wanted,”
A hand says, “you’re protected.”
And she finally understood, that she’d be alright.

Pick.
Chip.
Twist.
Writhe.
At first glance, you look just fine.
Tightly coiled,
Head down,
Rocking back and forth.
Your backbone gives you away.
Arms with muscles,
Like you’ve worked like the rest.

Pick.
Chip.
Twist.
Writhe.
Your clothes just hang.
Socks pulled high.
Someone else found them,
Old and outdated,
They characterize.
If you were in costume,
They’d see you differently.

Pick.
Chip.
Twist.
Writhe.
You laugh at the wrong time.
Your smile off kilter,
Like the sides of your face.
Head tipped,
Strain to hear,
Trying to find your place,
Lost inside your mind.

Pick.
Chip.
Twist.
Writhe.
Look up.
Dark eyes so clear,
Yet so wild.
Confused and lost.
Your eyes betray you.
You’re broken,
You’re trapped.

Pick.
Chip.
Twist.
Writhe.
We mourn the loss,
Of you.
Or of your shell?
We see what you could be.
What you would be.
If only.
You weren’t trapped

Pick.
Chip.
Twist.
Writhe.
Your arms,
Trapped.
Your laugh,
Trapped.
Your eyes,
Trapped.

Pick.
Chip.
Twist.
Writhe.
What secrets do you hold?
What demons do you fight?
What vices hold you in?
Are you tearing your hands,
Like your mind tears you?
Do you see us?
Are we trapped?

Pick.
Chip.
Twist.
Writhe.
Trapped.
I wish I knew how to let you be,
Free of all the pain.
To let your eyes find home,
To find peace within your head.
These shackles won’t bind forever.
Someday, your soul will be free.

Needle to the record.

The scratches come to my ears.

Unwelcome at first, then a strange comfort.

The sound from the past feels like home.

Wrapped in the sound.

Delighted in the melody.

And the song finds me.

Skipping little scratches,

Raspy, true, and honest.

The record plays out, like a heartbeat.

Constant, predictable, raw.

Tracing my outline, framing my face,

Like its home has always been me.

And the song knows me.

The room is filled with music,

My heart is filled with love.

Whispering my name over and over,

The record tells me about myself.

Finding myself in a broken mirror,

Black vinyl as my biography.

And the song becomes me.

Yet, all too soon, the needle slows.

The whirring sounds softens,

The record snags on a scratch.

Perfection can’t be perfect until the music ends.

Broken where I was once whole.

Disenchanted from a spell of love.

And the song leaves me.

Now the silence is deafening,

My ears strain to hear again.

Heartbeats still synced to what was.

Emptied and charred, burned from the inside out.

Yet the song still spins around my brain like a record.

Leaving a void, never to be filled.

And the song haunts me.

Found.

Known.

Become.

Left.

Haunted.

And the song finds me.