It’s been a month.

It’s been a month since I hugged my parents goodbye on a doorstep of a dorm called Stroup on a beautiful campus called Gardner-Webb University, in a little town no one has ever heard of called Boiling Springs.

It’s been almost a month since I laid down in a tiny little twin bed in an unfamiliar room and read letters from home and cried because I couldn’t believe I was finally at college, far, far away from everyone and everything I loved and knew.

It’s been a month that I’ve been in college. And I already feel like I’ve learned so much.

I also feel like I’ve been putting off writing any sort of blog post about this whole experience. I feel like I’ve been drinking from a fire hose. Everything around me is so different. I’m meeting people who are completely different from me, from worlds nothing like any that I have ever experienced.

But in this time of learning so much, I find I must do what I do best. Write.

I knew I would learn lessons in college. Lessons about math, science, social sciences, history, and of course, writing. And I knew deep down that I’d learn lessons about people, and myself. But now that I am reflecting on this past month I see that the lessons I learned were not the ones I necessarily expected to learn. Isn’t that the beauty of learning? We are assailed by a truth we never expected to stumble upon. So, for those of you who might be wondering what I’ve been doing the past month as a college freshman, and for those of you who were just kind enough to click the link and read, here are the five biggest lessons I’ve learned at college that have nothing to do with academia.

 

1.) Life is a balancing act.

When I left for school, this was the thing I remember my father saying most clearly. And it took be about 4.6 seconds into the semester to realize how true this statement was.

I thought making the choice of what school to attend was difficult. Ha. No one mentioned that every day after I chose was going to fraught with even more choices. How to spend my time… Who to spend my time with… What to prioritize… Suddenly I wasn’t making one choice. I was making hundreds. I’m learning to balance social life and personal life. Spiritual life and academic life. Family and friends. New relationships and old relationships. Homework, sleep, and socializing.

Life is constantly shifting and changing. There is always something vying for our attention. And in the midst of the noise of life, I must make choices. And I must learn to balance. How thankful I am for a God who promises us an anchor of hope for our souls, even in the most unbalanced times.

 “So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.” (Heb. 6:19, NLT)

 

2.) Not everyone is going to like you.

Take this lesson from the girl who has eaten many a wrong order a restaurant, and spent a lot of time doing all the work in group projects, all in the hopes that she wouldn’t cause anyone to “dislike” her. I have spent so much of my life striving endlessly for people to “like” me. What does that even mean? Why did I want people to like me? Did I want people to like me for me, or because I wanted social validation? Did I want people to like me so I could represent Christ well, or because I wanted to feel good about myself?

I went into college determined that everyone needed to “like” me. I learned very quickly that this isn’t really a viable way to walk through life. Christ calls us to live at peace with everyone, but I have yet to find a verse in the Bible that says, “Make sure everyone thinks you’re a cool person.” Christ called us to love everyone well. He called us to live a life so devoted to Him that people see Him and only Him. He called us to live a life that makes us say, “anything good in me is Christ.” When I get caught up wanting people to “like” me, I am essentially taking Christ off His throne in my life, and I placing Hannah Ray right on it. I am saying it is more important for me to feel good about myself than to present the Gospel.

There will be people we click with, and people we don’t click with. It isn’t our job to cling to those we click with, or to force those we don’t click with us to like us. It’s our job to love everyone the way Jesus does, and it’s our job to point everything in our life back to Him.

“Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.” (1 Thes. 4:9-12, NLT)

 

3.) Find your place… Literally.

I was terrified of college because of one thing. Introversion. I am so introverted that I was completely sure that college was going to be one long party that exhausted me after two hours and I’d be trapped in this ongoing world of loud, boisterous people I couldn’t escape from. And for the first week, it sort of was. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it. I had so much fun learning new people and experiencing new things. But there came a time, (that I knew would come) when I desperately needed a breather. I needed a moment to process. I needed a moment to write. I needed a moment alone. And I found it. I found it in a secret hiding place on campus that makes me breathe a little more easily. Whether I need to take a mental health break, or really knock out some of my Old Testament reading in a quiet environment, I can do it.

While it exciting to meet new people, and to begin to strengthen your relationships, it’s also so important to understand, you can’t do it all. You can sign up for a few things, but not everything. You can go out some nights, but not every night. Understanding where your passions are, and where your priorities are, help you better understand your place. Find a quiet place to be yourself. Even if it means saying “no” sometimes.

“Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.” (Psalm 46:10, NLT)

 

4.) Everyone is a complex story.

And stories take time to read. I have met some of the most amazing people in these first few weeks. College seems like a catalyst for life. It compounds life into this one location, and suddenly three weeks can feel like three months, because you are living life with people in a deeper way than you’ve lived with anyone prior to this experience. Suddenly, school, family, friends, church, and sports life are one. You see people’s good sides, bad sides, and ugly sides very quickly. They see yours. In a few days, you can have a repertoire of experiences that would have taken you months to accumulate in the “real world.”

But just because you feel close doesn’t mean you are. As one of my friends here so eloquently put, “College friendships spring up like a new plant, quick and promising, but that doesn’t mean the roots are deep yet.” I’ve planted some amazing seeds. But now it’s time to focus on deepening the roots of these seeds.

Everyone I meet is their own story. They have chapters of their lives I know nothing about. They have characters who changed them, and rewrote their stories. They have tear stained pages, and joy filled passages. They have an entire history that I don’t know, and they deserve the respect of telling their stories at the speed they choose. When reading other’s stories, I have to remind myself to have patience and love. I learn about people, and they learn about me, not through fast paced page skimming. We learn through taking our time together. We learn through communication. We learn through sharing meals, sharing a bathroom, sharing a classroom, and sharing our hearts. Be patient with others, and understand that love takes time.

“Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” (Ephesians 4:2, NLT)

 

5.) Choose Joy

First of all, I must say I have the best roommate ever, and from the moment I met her she has reiterated this phrase to me. At first, it was a cute thing to say and write on our whiteboard on the door. Now, I feel like the truth is taking root in my heart. Every morning, rainy or sunny, Monday or Saturday, tired or awake, good hair day or bad, we are given a choice. We are given the choice to see Jesus in the little things in life, in the people we meet, and the opportunities we get, or we have the choice to focus on ourselves. I have to admit, too often I focus on myself. College is quite an easy place to become very inwardly focused. I have worried over relationships, friendships, classes, schedules, grades, cafeteria food… You name it, I’ve worried about it. And although I would terribly disappoint my mother by admitting this, I haven’t kept a “good attitude” at every turn. I don’t “choose” joy because sometimes I see nothing to be joyful about.

Yet when I don’t see the joy, it is because I am focusing on the things right in front of me. Like a horse with blinders on, I see only my problems, and I fall apart. But it’s so clear in God’s Word that every moment is an opportunity for joy. Why? Not because we are happy or excited about the bad things in life, but because each situation, both good and bad, is an opportunity to grow closer to Christ. It’s an opportunity to run to God’s feet and throw our troubles down, knowing we can’t find happiness on our own. It’s an opportunity for joy, because we choose to praise Jesus over any other circumstance in our life.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” (James 1:2-4, NLT)

 

So there they are. Five lessons from college that I have learned.  College is a place to learn, grow, and understand yourself and your place in the world more clearly. Hopefully I will have many more lessons from the next four years to share. And God willing, these lessons will take root in my heart. And I hope in some way, whether you’ve never been to college, you’re currently in college, or you’re long past college, something in these lessons has helped you. I encourage you, balance life, find your place, pursue stories, and most of all choose joy.